Let’s talk about resentment

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I say that I don’t hate people. Which is true. I can think of the most profound wrongs of my life and not actually hate that person. I sympathize with them. I understand why they did what they did. It’s very annoying but whatever.

Instead, I resent them. I “get over” whatever I perceive as an insult or attack or hurt, and then I lose all faith in that person to do better. I stop expecting better and instead I withdraw. I evolve so that it can’t “hurt” me anymore (it still does, and then I bully myself for letting it). I give them space to fuck up far away from me.

I hate resentment. While it is a practical emotion born out of self-preservation, it festers. It makes you bitter. It takes all the excitement out of human interaction.

I resent a lot of people that I care for, and I’ve told them about the things that caused the resentment and even their apologies and amends haven’t made the resentment go away. Maybe therapy will help. Maybe introspection will teach me how to repair and rebuild myself.

Maybe.

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